With Palin’s debate flowchart flooding teh internets, I thought it would only be fair to post Obama’s flowchart. I couldn’t do Biden’s because his debating style actually makes sense. I found it a lot easier to listen to him than Obama. I also didn’t have time to make it pretty, but oh well, here it is:
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Barack Obama Debate Flowchart
1. Is the question about a problem? Yes – Goto 2a. No – Goto 2b.
2a. Blame it on President Bush Goto 3.
2b. Spin it into a problem and blame it on President Bush Goto 3.
3. Say that John McCain as President would do the EXACT same thing as Bush. Goto 4. *
4. Does the question have anything to do with your next note card? Yes – Goto 5a. No – Goto 5b
5a. Give your response making sure to pause after every word for dramatic (read: annoying speech behavior) effect. Goto 6.
5b. Your agenda is more important than the moderators, talk about what you want. Goto 6.
6. Promise that you will fix every problem the nation in such a way that it will involve CHANGE and will be the exact opposite of Bush/McCain. It must also involve spending. It involves CHANGE, so it must be the right solution, right? Right? Go CHANGE! Goto 7. **
7. Is the ninety seconds filled? Yes – Goto 8a. No – Goto 8b.
8a. OMG! You’re the most over-aggrandized political figure in recent memory! Next question. ***
8b. Make a statement about all the starving, under-insured, complete-wreck-of-a-life citizens whose life will be blessed by having the opportunity to have you as president. Oh, and be sure to pause every word for dramatic (read: time-wasting) effect. Goto 8a.
* This really should be attributed to Joe Biden who said in the last debate that John McCain’s policy “is the same as George Bush’s” in every way. Rubbish and outright lies, much like everything else that comes out of a politician’s mouth.
** According to Barack Obama, nothing currently works. I’ve only ever heard him talk about change. I’ve never heard him mention a program or policy that is currently adequate. Thanks to him, I’ve added a note to my list of attractive qualities in a candidate: Look for someone who can identify things that are working and use those to make things that aren’t working, working. If someone can only identify problems, they aren’t likely to be able to resolve them.
*** Can I just say that Barack Obama is so overly built up by his fans, that everytime I hear him speak, I am completely underwhelmed. I have no love for McCain. He has shown during this campaign that he employs pointless tactics that group him up with almost every other campaigning political slimeballs out there, but Barack Obama is exactly the same way and bears no distinctive trait that sets him above the pack.